Thursday, December 27, 2018

When Surviving Feels Like Failing (AKA Insurance Sucks)

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Can I just express that it is HARD to be a survivor of cancer? I beat this awful, horrendous thing but, like in any fight, it threw some good punches too. So even though I came out of the ring, I still got a black eye and a fat lip. Relating this to cancer, I left that hospital after 33 rounds of radiation and 4 extensive rounds of chemo with leg braces, a walker, and a slew of other things, but I was still LEAVING. I won, right? I had physical therapy and was able to ditch the walker and leg braces. I had occupational and speech therapy to allow me to be more independent. I got back my appetite and eventually gained 40 pounds back. I had facial surgeries to counteract the effects of my facial paralysis. I graduated from high school and college. I'd come a long way.
Image result for norman rockwell the winner
Meanwhile, other parts of my body had been huffin' and puffin' along after taking quite the beating from the radiation and chemo and after almost ten long years of working hard, [*THE REST OF THIS PARAGRAPH IS PURE SPECULATION*]the lungs could not continue working at normal capacity. So one shriveled up halfway and the other became overworked and thus strained. Then the brain, noticing that the air wasn't moving as efficiently decides it needs the heart to beat and bring blood to it to keep it all functioning well. So the heart starts beating faster because the more it beats, the more the lungs work, right? But the lungs are working as hard as they can when I'm moving about because muscles and other things need oxygen when I'm moving around so the heart starts beating like crazy trying to get oxygen and the brain is suffering from want of oxygen and then just tells the muscles to calm themselves so the body returns to homeostasis and the brain can glut itself on oxygen again.
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Thus, I have a problem. I've seen many doctors over a series of months and NO ONE can definitively tell me why this is occurring or how it is occurring. More importantly, no one can tell me how to fix it. Therefore, I have a bunch of doctors giving diagnoses and prescribing a series of things. But now we have stumbled upon problem 2: insurance.

I am fortunate enough to be on my parents' insurance. I am also fortunate in that my mother does not have a career otherwise she would not have been able to fight insurance on my behalf at every turn and on every side. No success story is complete without the underlying details of a hero's success, right? So, as I was saying, doctors were prescribing stuff. the pulmonologist was almost taking shots in the dark, prescribing everything under the sun to get more answers. (Probably because he won't have to pay for any of it.) The first thing he prescribed was a concentrator which ended up being really useful because after MONTHS  of delayed appointments and waiting I was admitted to the hospital. The hospital performed the same tests I had waited months to have within hours of each other and then after a week of performing tests and observing discharged me with a diagnosis of both acute and chronic respiratory failure and prescribed me being on oxygen 24/7. This is where the concentrator comes in handy.

As we all value freedom and quality of life, my parents and I do not want me confined to the walls of my home, we have been working for over two weeks now to get me a Portable Oxygen Concentrator (POC). This will allow me to return to work (where I haven't been for about a month), and attend church for the full time with an hour's drive each way. I'd be able to drive on my own again! I want to be able to leave my home without having to worry about running out of pressurized air in a tank and therefore, I need a POC.

Back to problem 2; Getting insurance to pay for ANYTHING is like playing keep-away mixed with telephone and "whose got the penny"; You ask one doctor for a prescription and they say they sent it to the pharmacy. The pharmacy says insurance denied it. Insurance says it needs prior authorization from the doctor. The doctor authorizes it. The pharmacy says it's denied. Insurance says it's coded incorrectly. Etc. This leaves me on the phone most of the day, unable to leave my home because Jimmy doesn't want to play with Tommy and they won't dare talk to Pam. WHY?! Sure, insurance only wants to take our dollars and never give their own but the reason I have you is to contribute money to keep me alive. Is that too much to ask?!

In closing, surviving cancer is great. Not receiving radiation and chemo is great. Not being in a hospital is great. But having to be in a hospital because of how I got out of the hospital last time? Not so great.

Sunday, September 30, 2018

I Am

On Facebook, there was a GIFwith "I AM" and a bunch of different words flashing by underneath. This is the first one I got when I screenshot it was the one above; I am progressing.
     This particularly struck me because, although I have graduated from BYU-Idaho almost two years ago, I was still trying to figure out my place in the world. I had bounced from job to job for over a year and I still hadn't found what I wanted to do. Also, I was trying to strengthen my testimony, and working my way through another medical trial. So I was definitely progressing toward being a better, stronger, more efficient human being, citizen, and disciple.
On good days, I am killin' it, progressing and smiling, making others smile.

Although I don't realize it sometimes, I am a leader, an example and people will follow me. Therefore, I should be more conscious of my actions.

I don't think this about myself very often as I am the first to point out all my flaws. However, I will admit that I am pretty. Mostly because of who I am inside, despite my shortcomings.


I am capable of certain things, not everything, but certain things.


I AM creative. I write, I draw, I make up parodies. I'm creative.


I am deserving of a happy ending. Whether that means in that happy ending is in this life or the next, I feel deserving of one.


Not so much financially. But with smiles, with laughter, with friendship...yeah, I am


I LOVE kids. I feel like I will be a great mom when the day comes.

I do have some minor regrets but I am proud of myself and I am unapologetically a Disney and Harry Potter fan, a kid at heart, and a huge romantic.


I say "I win" when I accomplish small things or things that were difficult once. I win all the time. I'm winning.


I am temple worthy, I am worthy of a romantic relationship. I am worthy of happiness, I just need to chose it. 

August 16th 2018

On August 16th, 2018

Tonight, at Institute, Brother McDowell was talking about Joseph Smith and how he couldn't touch the plates unless he did not intend to use them for financial gain. He also went on to say that he and Hyrum planning to go to the west where Utah was going to be, but the Lord said to stay in Missouri and go like a sheep to slaughter to do you to be killed. And then I drew the similarity to Harry Potter. Such as, he could obtain The sorcerers Stone because he did not intend to use it he just wanted to keep other people from using it from for evil. Same thing with the older one and the invisibility cloak he. He had all three deathly hollows and he didn't intend to use them to become the master of death. Dumbledore knew that hairy had to die for Baltimore to die therefore he walked into the forest like a pig to the slaughter. I like drawing parallels like that but I didn't dare say it during our class that Institute distracting from the spirit.



Thursday, July 26, 2018

Thoughts I Have While Attempting to Fall Asleep

Thoughts I have as I am laying bed at night(after listening to Harry Potter): What point had Tonks and Lupin admitted their attraction to each other for Teddy to be born before the Battle of Hogwarts? What would the couple name for Lupin and Tonks been? Luponks? Topin? Nephadus? Reamora? (I personally like that one[But I would hate to tell my kid I named her Reamora because of Harry Potter]) And then I was thinking about other Potter couples; Longgood or Lovebottom? Weasger or Grangly? So on and so forth...















Friday, June 22, 2018

Well Hello There Stranger!

It has come to my attention that I have readers again. Therefore, I have decided to start posting new entries. But I wasn’t sure where to begin so I’m treating it like a journal until another thought strikes me. Also, I have realized I want to start writing again and figured this would be the best way to start.
As this is mostly a journal, I’m using pictures from my phone to measure momentous moments in my life. (See what I did there?)
Starting with….

Getting Dane ready for the Halloween Dance. My parents were out of the country (Ireland I think…) So I was getting Dane ready. He was gonna be a lame sauce and not dress up at all so I suggested going as a Ladies Man. He could wear regular clothes and then just let me kiss him all over his face with different shades of lipstick and mess up his hair. The result:
                

Sorry it’s a bit blurry
His costume was probably the best one there.

One day I was driving home from work and came across this:
When I was driving TO work I came across this:
Then I went to Hawaii with my family after Shay returned from his mission on the 1st of December.
Me Eating a Dole Whip at the
Dole Plantation  

The headband made by some "villagers" at the
Polynesian Culture Center

Mom and Dad at the Luau in the PCC

Noble and Megan at the Luau

Shay and Dane at the Luau

Polynesian Santa outside the Polynesian Culture Center




Catching the wave while body surfing