The first thing I will address is what we talked about in class. The first thing we talked about is how to find reliable research and not just take things at face value. I'll spare you that discussion through. Next he had five questions he wanted us to answer:
1. How did you feel loved by your parents?
2. Do you wish you had a mother/father?
3. What relationship are you in now with them?
4. How did others treat you because of your parents?
5. What was the biggest problem in your home?
As a person from an intact biological family, (IBF) there are no shocking answers to these questions. I'll start with the first.
1.
How did you feel loved by your parents? I have never
doubted that my parents love me. Being the only daughter I always say I was the
favorite daughter and sister. My mother has a girls’ night with me, watching
chick flicks and eating baked goods, and my father took me on many daddy-daughter
dates. My mother would always try to solve my problems and my father would talk
with me for hours trying to figure all my thoughts out then how to direct me to
happiness again. They always cared for me and my well-being and said they loved
me often. I’ve always felt loved even when I was angry or in trouble.
2.
Do you wish you had a mother/father? I have both my
biological parents so this question is irrelevant.
3.
What relationship are you in now with them? I absolutely
love my parents and admire them a bit more since I am not with them most of the
year.
4.
How did others treat you because of your parents? People
didn’t treat me any different because of my parents. I know that my mother
might seem strict and irritating to some because she suggests ideas that make
them leave the comfort of what they know.
5.
What was the biggest problem in your home? The biggest
problem in my home is disagreement over different ideas. As in most households
there is a harsh word because of he said she said and anger flares but no one
goes to bed angry. We settle whatever disagreement before our heads hit the
pillow.
The next time our class met together we talked
about the myths of marriage. The myths are these: Opposites attract, people
marry because they’re in love, happily married people don’t have conflict, children
fix marriages, and a good marriage is based on love. Now before you get all huffity-puffity
and say “I object,” let me explain. “Opposites attract” came from the idea that
and extrovert is attracted to an introvert because they “complete you.” But the
handsome quarterback isn’t attracted to the nerdy band geek. The billionaire
playboy doesn’t go for the horridly plain street rat. You are incredibly
unlikely to fall for someone who is your “opposite.” Thus, this is a myth.
“People marry because they’re in love” is a
myth because love is not a feeling or emotion but rather a process. Love may be
one reason but a lot of the time it’s our animalistic desire to reproduce and
our fear of disapproval of others. “Happily married people don’t have conflict” is false but rather I think that conflict strengthens a marriage. Everyone has their differences but overcoming them brings people together. As they see their differences in opinion they can find a way to come together and make a decision.
“Children fix marriages” is not true because if it’s not working out than each spouse is going to feel more strain on the marriage when a child is added to the mix. Studies show that marital satisfaction decreases for one of both spouses during the child rearing years.
“A good marriage is based on love” is an unrealistic expectation. It’s illogical to think you will never argue with your spouse. There are always going to be little things; baby names, leaving the toilet seat up, taking too long to get ready, always choosing the same dumb movie; that are going to make you crazy. It doesn’t mean it isn’t meant to be but that you are not married to you! My parents always say “date with your eyes wide open but when you’re married, keep them half closed.” Essentially, don’t be such a stickler and more chill. Hey, you checked enough boxes on your list to go this far with ‘em.
Well that’s all for this week. Tune in next time for Devree’s reflections on Family 160!
